First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
