It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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