we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
