what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
