I just pynch a tree in the face
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
