Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
