Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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