If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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