I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
