She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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