Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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