You're my little dorito
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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