dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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