Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
