i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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