I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
