what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize