if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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