Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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