So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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