college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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