This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
