Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
