i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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