so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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