She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
