happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My penis needs a shock collar
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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