Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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