so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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