John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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