I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
