are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
