Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
