Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
