Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
