theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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