My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
