Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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