I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
