I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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