Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
