please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
