The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
