we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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