just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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