I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
