I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
