I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
