peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish i was in the wii world.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
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