Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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