Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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