You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
