You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
