Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she woke up with a sticky ear
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
