When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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