Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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