the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
