i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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