You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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