Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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