The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
