My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
