my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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