I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
