It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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