Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
