just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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