So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hippo gnu deer
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
