I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
