The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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