i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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