Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You've changed since you got that strap on
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
