i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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