Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
